So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
