i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
