just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
