Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
