Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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