I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dick very happy bro
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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