he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
