SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
