not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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