We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
