I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
