My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
