I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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