also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
