I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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