yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
