I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
where are my eyebrows?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
