I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
