Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
