How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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