then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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