3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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