ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
