you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
