Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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