Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
