While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
