I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
