i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's like iHOP with fire
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
