she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
