do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
