just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
