he wants to bone in the snuggie
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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