Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
