I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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