I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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