I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
