Plan B is the new Plan A
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
