Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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