After last night, I could never be a politician.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
smell my finger.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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