i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
