I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
