Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Houston, we have a squirter
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
