I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
