How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
