She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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