No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
