I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
