3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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