cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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